Monday, May 9, 2011

The Capture Mission

By now all of the world has heard about the elite Seal Team Six, based out of Virginia, and their highly secretive and highly successful mission to rid the world of Osama bin Laden. What you may not be aware of is another Virginia based, highly trained, elite team of two. Although this smaller team does not have the recognition and admiration of the world at this point, their mission last week mirrored that of the Seal Team. These two secret ops known as Gym Density (Density) and C. Everett Poop ( "Poop" to those who know him) came face to face with their enemy and were forced into combat. You may know them as Brock and Goose, their civilian names, however, what they did that cool spring morning was anything but civilian. It went something like this:

Me: (my cell phone rings in a manner much like Obama's phone rang when bin Laden was in sight) Hello?
Density: I know we have an issue here at the house...

Point of Entry

Me: What is it?
Density: We have a bird in the house.
Me: Are you sure?
Density: I've been staring at it eye to eye for the last 5 minutes
Me: (worried now) What kind??
Density: Brace yourself....Its a dove...


Me: (relieved and implying this would be a capture mission only) Can you get it out?
Density: Well...what time do you think you will be home...
Me: I wont  be home for 10-15 minutes, I have to get gas.
Density: (disappointed) oh......hmm....ok...
Me: Get "Poop", I bet he can scare the bird out the door...
Density: (defeated) Yeah, I tried already...he came out of the back bedroom, looked at the bird, yawned, and went back to sleep....

Poop, tired after the mission, seeks comfort.

Me: Get your lacrosse stick and try to shoo him out the door.....
Density: Yeah, I already tried that .......

This elite squad's weapons are the best in the business, due to their camouflage capabilities in their environment.

Me: (silence)
Density: Did you know that birds poop when they are scared.........I guess this bird is really scared
Me: (nothing)
Density: oh, and did you know that doves mate for life......maybe he lost his mate....that would be kind of sad
Me: (again, nothing)
Density:....anyway.....aren't you about home yet?
Me: (still nothing)

Mission Accomplished
By the time I returned home the bird was gone, Density was high on adrenaline, and Poop was still sleeping. 

So its not 100 zip drives, 5 cell phones and 3 is DNA.

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