Sunday, December 2, 2012

Where. Are. The. Puppies.

To keep busy, I joined Instagram. Actually, I joined it about a year and a half ago but have just recently started using it as it was post endless pictures of my dogs, food and random things I find funny that no one else does. It's better than Facebook in that all you can post are pictures; no political rants, no articles, no music videos (who knows....maybe you can do this-but I don't know how). Like most people, first thing I did was follow all my Facebook friends who are on Instagram. Second thing I did was search for accounts that I would find interesting, obviously I searched "puppies".  That's when I stumbled upon "puppiesinstagram". I started following @puppiesinstragram and oh, were there pictures of puppies. A puppy bulldog in reindeer ears, a long haired chiahuahau in a puffy vest at the beach, a golden retriever in a onesy and so on and so on. Each day at least 10 pictures of puppies, each one cuter than the next. But then @puppieinstragram posted a picture of a human. How dare he post a picture of human when I and the other 302,000 followers of the account want puppies. But shortly after there were 20 more puppy pictures posted and life was good again. A few days later, once again, another picture of a human. OK, this is where things started to get ugly because one thing I know for sure in this world is that if promise pictures of puppies and you don't deliver pictures of puppies, you will piss off about 302,000 people sitting around waiting to see pictures of puppies.

Herewith, are a few of the comments that followers left after the 2nd picture of a human (not a puppy) was posted. None of these are made up....Enjoy!

-Where. Are. The. Puppies.
-Those are NOT pups!!!!!! For the last time WE WANT TO SEE PUPS and pups ONLY!!!!!!!! How are you not getting that?!?!?!
-This isn't a puppy.
-Stop posting things other than puppies.
-No one wants to see this.
-Are you planning on posting things other than puppies? I would appreciate an answer.
-What is this shit?
-What does this crap have to do with puppies?
-What kind of puppy is this???
-You stink without puppies.
-What do we want? PUPPIES When do we want them? NOW

Oh, also forgot to mention that Instagram is great for intellectual stimulation.

PS. You can follow me on Instagram @gingerscone....and there will be pictures of dogs.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Turkey Bowl '99

Years ago before greed was disguised as "meeting the needs of our changing customer", if you worked in the restaurant business you had Thanksgiving off. It was a glorious day. A day when you wouldn't be yelled for being 5 minutes late on a reservation for 25 who wanted to sit by the, not that window, the other window.  A day when you wouldn't be accused of ruining Thanksgiving by running out of stuffing (really, you fools are going to eat that much stuffing....who knew). A day when you could actually celebrate the holiday with friends and family and co-workers.....whaaaaaat, co-workers?

Listen up kids, as I tell a Thanksgiving story of peace, love, football, a man-pilgrim, the Washington Monument, revenge and violence. It was a beautiful Thanksgiving morning in Washington, DC in 1999. The leaves were turning, there was a chill in the air, and Turkey Bowl I was about to be played on the Mall. The teams gathered early, setting up hot chocolate and goodies. On one side was Not Buca's (Name has been changed to protect Maggiano's) Tyson's Corner, the more athletic, attractive team. On the other side was Not Buca's Chevy Chase, the evil empire. As the teams met up, pleasantries were exchanged. A crude outline of a field was set up, flags were put around each players waist and team captains met in the middle. The General Manager of each restaurant was the team captain. We were led by Michael (I'm not changing his name, he's a fame whore). Now on first inspection, Michael may not appear to be a dominate force in the game of football, he does however, look remarkably like a pilgrim. It's really uncanny and what we assumed would be an advantage. He's about 5'8, wears glasses and once asked me who my favorite American historical figure was. He was scrappy and competitive and well, we were good looking.

Now if you read this blog or have worked at either one of the "Not Buca's" then you know these 2 teams have a storied, troubled past in that there is an inexplicable disgust bordering on hatred and competitiveness between the 2 restaurants. Turkey Bowl started out friendly enough, a touch down here, a touch down there, a few laughs and guffaws and an overall fun start to a promising morning of football. However, the score was close. They would score, we would score, we would score, they would score. Jose the 50 year old stocker, who showed up only on the premise that this was soccer, stopped getting playing time. The better players stayed on the field longer. Then the first elbow came, I don't know who threw it or who received it but that was the game changer.

Suddenly, the flags were not merely pulled off, they were tackled off. People were tripped, shoved, kicked, eyes were poked, and wedgies were given. Girls were wishing they had worn cups. Guys were crying for their moms. No one was willing to give in or ease up. Then on a play that we knew we could score and put the game in the bag, things got ugly. The play was that Michael (man/pilgrim) would be given the ball and he would go left and cut back to the middle exposing a weakness in their defense. The ball was snapped and handed off to Michael, as he ran left the defense went with him and then he cut back to the middle with what appeared to be enough of an opening to go all the way down field. And then out of nowhere, framed in between the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument, came the Chevy Chase Sous Chef. Despite the buckles on his shoes, Man/Pilgrim was fast and wily. The chef did the only thing that would stop him, he stuck his arm out at about throat level and clotheslined him. I have never seen someone drop so hard and so fast. I have also never seen someone get up so fast and so comical. As he got up to scream he couldn't, what with the hit to the throat, but a rage filled high pitched feminine screech did come out and truthfully scared us all. Behind his glasses which at this point were only attached to one ear and hanging down the side of his face, his eyes were wild, wild like a rabid dog. His usually perfectly coiffed hair was all pushed forward, as if to give him Beetle like bangs. His shirt was pulled up somewhere just below his clavicle and if I'm not mistaken, due to the velocity of the hit, his pants were actually on backwards. And then the Man/Pilgrim/Beast lunged towards the chef.  That's when benches cleared, and the fighting, yelling and screaming began. After several minutes, cooler heads prevailed and the game was called and no winner was named. We spent the last half hour in silence as we finished our hot chocolate and cleaned up our trash, after all we weren't animals.

Happy Thanksgiving!

If you wait around long get the trophy.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Where In The World Is Matt Lauer?

Like most of you, I have been spending no less than 12 hours a day watching the Olympics. This Olympics seems to have it all, the ups, the downs, the excitement, the disappointment and Ryan Seacrest. Here are my favorite Olympic images thus far.

The Queen at the Opening Ceremonies
Make no mistake, this is one stone cold fox.

Ryan Lochte and His Grill
Ending speculation that all Americans are douchebags.

Kieran Brahan, Irish Gymnast
If you haven't read his story it's pretty amazing: Tumor in his leg, botched surgery to remove tumor resulting in permanent nerve damage, brain damaged from hitting the parallel bars, broken wrist, torn ACL-right, torn ACL-left,  cleaning the gym to pay for his training and so on and so on. This is one tough nut. In other news.......

Dream Team
Follow along as we chart this group's struggle to become Olympians.

Parade of Nations-Mexico

Captian Kangaroo Bela Karolyi
The Captain is dominating the sport of gymnastics. 

Aly Raisman Being Interviewed with Jordyn Wieber Crying in the Background

Ryan Seacrest
Why? Why? Why?

Where in the World is Matt Lauer?
NBC has taken a lot of criticism for their broadcasting of the Olympics and it all started at the Opening Ceremonies hosted by Lauer, Viera, and Costas. As always, Twitter seemed to have all the answers.......

Friday, July 27, 2012

Another Year Older

Last week I celebrated my birthday. I kicked off the festivities a few weeks early with a very thoughtful gift from optometrist, a pair of reading glasses or "readers" as they are known on the streets. At first I thought it was because I was getting older, but my eye doctor assured me that I was just maturing. I was still not convinced as walked to my car and I was feeling a little depressed. Was I getting old, I pondered as I sighed and slipped my hands into the pockets of my waist high Lee Jeans. As I exited the parking lot by turning on my right blinker and subsequently turned left, I was hoping the local news talk radio station would drown out my sorrows. Driving down Ventura Blvd at about 12 mph in the far left lane, I seemed to hit every red light. Well, they weren't really red nor were they yellow, but they had been green for a very long time and to be safe I just slowed down until they turned yellow. Stopping at all the lights did give me time to shake my head at the kids wearing skinny jeans with holes in them. I also found myself with time to glare at the driver next to me who had his rock music up very loud.

I was getting hungry so I stopped at the local deli. After switching tables 3 times, I was finally comfortable although my numerous request to have the air turned down seemed to go unnoticed. I took comfort as I looked around at all the patrons who were much older than me. I went ahead and ordered a cup of soup and a few lemons for my water. Service was poor, so my unhappiness was reflected in my 7% tip but for some encouragement I went ahead and left a little hand written note on the receipt. "Have a nice day" seemed to balance out my less than generous tip. After a few attempts to exit the parking lot, I was finally on my way home.

As I pulled up in the drive way, I collected my newspaper from the front lawn and decided I would get on the computer. After numerous attempts to get online, I finally made it! With the temperature outside at 98 degrees and my house set at 78 degrees and cup of hot tea, it was time to catch up with friends on Facebook. As I tried unsuccessfully to upload a photo and view a YouTube video and tag someone in a picture, I realized it was 6:30, time for the national news. After a supper of left-overs, I realized it had a been a long and mentally exhausting day and I was no closer to the answer to the question, "Am I getting old?". But the answer would have to wait for another day, it was 8pm and if I had any chance of getting up at 4:30am for no apparent reason, I better get to bed.

Did this happen to anyone else when they turned 36?

Monday, July 23, 2012

Best & Worst of the Teen Choice Awards

No one knows teen fashion like I do. So it should be no surprise that I was glued to my TV last night watching the Teen Choice Awards. Here are my choices for best and worst dressed.

Worst Dressed

Tanning Mom
(I think)
I'm surprised to see the Tanning Mom out and about, what with all the negative publicity she has been receiving.

Kevin McHale
I'm glad we can't see what he is wearing for pants because if his shirt is any indication of his taste, I would not like them.

Demi Lavato
I was all on board with this outfit until I saw the scrunchy in her hair.

Kendall & Kylie Jenner
I'm indifferent about their outfits, but in all many more of them are there????

 Best Dressed

Miranda Cosgrove
A shimmery mini dress? Yes, yes and yes.

Nina Dobrev
Her dress is nice but I love her hair.

No Doubt

Hayden Panetierre
My favorite look.

Ellen and Portia
Once I got over the shock that they were Teens, I thought their looks were really well put together. They looked great.

The Beibs
As always, she continues to dominate the red carpet with her casual elegance.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Bikini Waitresses

My new work uniform!
I love Craigslist. I read it everyday. You never know when a job opportunity may come along that changes your life. I stumbled on this little gem this morning and could not waste a moment in getting my resume out to this fine establishment.

Actual Craigslist Ad:

"If you are HOT & love to flaunt it, especially in a HOT BIKINI, we want to cast you!The World Famous Bare Elegance LAX is currently casting Bikini WAITRESSES & Bikini DANCERS (Who knew!)... NO EXPERIENCE NEEDED AT ALL - Call 310-671-3263 NOW!
If you would like to work in a chill, sexy, night club environment that is exciting, comfortable and financially rewarding, this is a chance YOU DO NOT WANT TO MISS!
You will be at the club during the best shifts and could DEFINITELY be making more money than you ever have, TONIGHT!

GREAT Money, GREAT Schedule & LOTS OF FUN! You (and we) are very lucky you are alive at this moment reading this.Thank you & Good Luck.

Please call 310-671-3263 and ask for Randy or, a manager on duty (Shawn, Sal or Ivan), to schedule an appointment for an interview.

Email us FULL FRONT, FULL BACK & CLOSE UP FACE pictures of you in a bikini, and your phone number, to:"

My Cover Letter:

"Dear Randy or Shawn or Sal or Ivan,

Now that I've calmed down from all the excitement from reading your ad, I am very interested in the position as Bikini Waitress. I usually only see openings for Bikini Dancers but BIKINI WAITRESS.....that is right in my wheel house. You were right, you have no idea how happy I am that I'm alive and read your ad.

In answer to your question, "do I like to flaunt it in a hot bikini".....yes! A MILLION times yes! That is if by hot bikini you mean HOT TANKINI. Picture this if you will, a paisley print tankini with full stomach coverage...(with a name like Bare Elegance, I'm sure you agree a little mystery is much sexier). The straps are optional but I'm no JEZEBEL so they will stay on. For the bottoms I have 2 options, the boy cut short or the skort.......I know, I know I was thinking the same thing....the skort is really the only option. Which reminds me, should I wear a swimming cap? Or just the goggles?

As for work conditions.....I love a chill, sexy, comfortable environment. I can think of no better way to serve food and bus tables in a tankini! As for making more money than "I ever have, TONIGHT", I must warn you I'm currently a lunch lady. I'm not sure if you are aware of the pay scale of a lunch lady but it does reach hundreds of dollars a week. As for the "TONIGHT" part, "TONIGHT'S" not really good for me as I'm really behind on my US Weeklys and I would be useless knowing that I would be coming home to all that reading. Would "TOMORROW" night work or may "DAY AFTER TOMORROW NIGHT"?

As for faster results by submitting a picture (Front, Back and Face Close Up), that will have to wait for now. The current lighting is not conducive for very pale skin tone.

I look forward to your RESPONSE.

In comfortable sexiness,
Ginger Scone"

Now I wait......

Monday, July 16, 2012

Randy to the Rescue

Don't you just love Randy?
Brock had ACL surgery this summer and with a full recovery of 4-6 months you can imagine how exciting our summer has been. For the past month, he has been unable to drive or even get into the front the seat of the car. He can only be on his feet for about 30 minutes unless it is an activity related to Lacrosse for which his body experiences some sort of miraculous recovery which last until said Lacrosse activity is over. We do get out to go to restaurants provided there is no wait and he can sit in a both large enough to prop up his leg, no tables, or no bar stools.......and I've never needed a bar stool more.  You know when the blind experience a heightened sense of smell to make up for not being able to see? Well, Brock has experienced increase eye hand coordination particularly in the thumb. Although he can't walk, the speed which he can flip through channels and process what is on a channel is nothing short of amazing. In other words, we have been watching A LOT of TV. I mean the shows we would never watch...those that are on from 11am-3pm.

One particular afternoon, we settled on "Randy to the Rescue", it was obvious Brock had no idea what he was rescuing people from. For those that haven't seen the show, Randy comes in when you can't find your wedding dress. Randy is everything you want him to be and I imagine him to be the perfect friend. He is positive, upbeat, happy, and solution oriented. Randy doesn't care if you are 80lbs over weight, he will find your perfect dress. You don't like the bow in the front of your dress, don't worry, Randy will make one for you in same color as the cowboy boots you are going to be wearing. The friends you brought to the fitting are bullying you into a dress you don't like, don't worry, Randy will put them in their place and will ALWAYS take your side. You have shitty taste, don't worry, Randy will do your hair and make-up so awesome that no one will notice the hid dress you are wearing. That's how Randy rolls....sweet, wonderful Randy.

After watching about 3 minutes of Randy to the Rescue, Brock seemed a little anxious.......

Brock: So what else does Randy rescue people from?
Me: Nothing, his specialty is wedding dresses.
Brock: Really?
Me: Yes, really. What did you think he would rescue people from?
Brock: I just assumed based on the title, he covered a lot of ground. Like if your back deck was broken he would come out and show you how to fix it. Maybe he could replace your septic tank. Maybe he knew what to do with a rattlesnake bite.  I have to be honest, I feel a little mislead.
Me: I wish Randy would show up here.

And that is how my summer is going.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Olympics 2012

OK, I guess.
Congratulations to Ralph Lauren on his winning  2012 US Olympic uniform that the athletes will be wearing at the opening ceremonies in London. I love the vintage preppy look, the "made in China" not so much. I wouldn't be lying if I didn't say that I was a little disappointed that the sketches and ideas that I sent in for consideration to the Olympic Committee were met with mild acceptance. I do think that sending them back to me with the word "Wacko" written across them was a bit harsh. You were my ideas for what the US Olympians should be wearing at the opening ceremonies.

The Real Housewives
Nothing says USA like the Real Housewives of (fill in the blank). Inspired by the lovely ladies of the RHW the look for the female athletes would include injections (in face and boobs), short tight skirts, low cut tops, very high heals, designer handbag, catty comments and lots of hair extensions. The uniform for the men would be simple: a creepy goatee, an over embellished T, and dark denim jeans, the douche-bag attitude is optional but highly encouraged.

The Kardashians
Who better to inspire the look for the 2012 Olympians that America's sweethearts, the Kardashians!
Pulled right off the rack at the local Sears, the look for the female athlete's would be lots of leopard print, glitter, jumpers, eyeliner, unintelligent comments and lots of posing.  For the male athletes, it really doesn't matter as long as they look good and just kind of stay in the back ground and don't speak.

The Midwestern
No one likes wearing the US flag more than a Midwesterner. Just attend any July 4th picnic and see for yourself. Inspired by the hearty folks in the Midwest, specifically Iowa, imagine the Olympians showing up in sweatshirts with a big US Flag on the front. But not just any flag, it would be glittered, the stars could be buttons, the strips could be red lace and why not add a few lights. The sweats would be simple, no embellishment unless you count the draw string. No need to call attention to ourselves. Shoes would be tennis shoes, something sensible and comfortable not showy...leave that to the sweatshirt. The opening ceremonies do tend to be long and what would any Iowan Olympian need? A fanny pack to hold a cell phone, camera, snacks, and safety pins. This uniform is uni-sex and made by Old Navy..... due to the fact that 99.9% of all Old Navy flag shirts are sold in the Midwest.

Wish me luck in the 2016 Olympics!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Fart Pizza

I love a good suggestion box. The freedom to write whatever you want in complete anonymity is liberating to say the least. So the idea was to put a suggestion box in the lunch line (remember, I work for a school lunch service that delivers healthy food to private schools) and ask children grades 1st-6th what they would like to see on the lunch menu.  As you can see below, the culinary team has their work cut out for them. In no particular order, these were my 10 favorite suggestions.

Ring Pops
Corn Dogs! Corn Dogs!! Corn Dogs!!!!
Ice Cream
Cotton Candy
Fart Pizza
Katsuya (a high end sushi restaurant in Beverly Hills)
Sour Patch Kids
Lamb Chops
No more suggestion boxes (this may or may not have come from me)

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Superstitious, Much?

As you may or may not know, Brock is a High School Lacrosse Coach.  Our spring was filled with practices, games, and this year, adherence to a demanding set of superstitions. The season started out pretty average with a 2-2 record, but then something magical happened and the team went on a 9 game winning streak. Now, sane most people would say that it was due to hard work, talented players and a good coaching staff. At our house, although we believed all those things to be true, we (by we, I mean Brock) also believed that the winning streak was helped along by the following superstitions. I have taken the liberty of giving you the pros and cons of each one as I think its important to fully understand how I feel about some of these things.

The Beard
Brock stopped shaving once the team started winning, thus a beard. As one parent asked, "he's not growing that thing out like some sort of dictator is he?". Thankfully, no, he kept it trimmed.
Pro: It wasn't a mustache
Con:The beard did become the 3rd person in the house. "The beard doesn't want to watch TMZ." "The beard wants to sleep in." " The beard doesn't feel like cleaning the garage". I despised that beard.

Keeping Stats
I happened to be at the stat table when the winning streak started and there I stayed.
Pro: It really is the best seat in the house.
Con: There are a lot of stats in Lacrosse, which I'm confident I captured about 35% of.

Khaki Pants
Brock believed that his khaki pants were instrumental in winning.
Pro: It's Khaki, what can go wrong.
Con: I have no proof of this but I think he also didn't wash them. Oh, khaki pants would appear in the laundry but when I saw him at the games the pants always had the same Gatorade/Meatball Sub/melted Power Bar design down the right pant leg.

Spaghetti Dinner
Brock believed that having the team over for spaghetti dinners was extending the winning streak, this one I believed in.
Pro: They really are a lovely group.
Con: We have a white couch.

Washing the Uniforms
There is someone at the school that washes all the uniforms after the games.....but he made a fatal mistake after the 3rd game....he forgot to wash them. In a panic Brock rushed them home and we washed them right before the first game in the winning streak.
Pros: I'm not sure what you are looking for here.
Cons: Lacrosse equipment/uniforms have a unique odor. Things I would rather smell than lacrosse equipment/uniforms: skunk, 2 skunks, a family of skunks. 

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Sloppy Joe's

Have you experienced 3 or more of the following symptoms in the past month? Dizziness, blurred vision, increased sensitivity to light and/or dander, decreased appetite with the exception to Chicken McNuggets, increased intolerance to Ugg Boots, increased tolerance to fanny packs, hives, occasional limping, panting, or sudden growth spurt of 6 more inches?

If so, 1 of 2 things is probably happening. Either you have something severely wrong with you and, on the slight chance you are still reading this, you should probably stop and go seek medical attention or you miss my blog. If it's the later, I'm here to heal.

I took a break from the blog due to the fact that I got a part time job. Yes, the fun and games are over as I now work about 20-22 hours a week for a company that delivers healthy lunches to exclusive private schools. But don't worry about me, I'm yet to work a full week due to the many days private schools get off. I don't work weekends, summers, or any holiday and rarely work over 5.5 hours per week. Glamorous, no. Convenient, yes. Am a lunch lady? Kind of. Does it bother me? Not one bit. But as we all know the best thing about jobs are the ridiculous things co-workers, customers, and bosses say......and this job does not disappoint. Herewith, are my favorite quotes thus far.

You're a lovely ginger.

Yes!!!! Sloppy Joes for lunch!!!! They are my favorite!!!!! I always have my chef make them for me.
  3rd Grader

Can you draw a race car on my hand?

You seem like the type of person that has a top hat.
Co-Worker (in his defense, I did lead him to believe I had one)

Can you draw a bow and arrow on my hand?

I don't like the sushi my mom packed for me? Can I have what you brought?
1st Grader

Can you draw a lady bug, peace sign, heart and rainbow on my hand?
1st Grader

I'm pretty sure my mom order me the Beef Brisket and the Chocolate Covered Strawberries.
2nd Grader

What's Beef Brisket?
Same 2nd Grader

The Sloppy Joe is too sloppy.....I don't like that.
3rd Grader

Really, why are you applying?

(Blank Stare)
Me, on most days

Sunday, March 25, 2012

12 Things I'll Never Say

You will never hear me say the following 12 things.

1. Do you have those Ugg boots in a size 7?
2. No thanks, I don't care to super size my meal.
3. I would never wear a fanny pack.
4. That's off the hook!
5. How much for front row seats to the Dave Matthews concert?
6. I would like to cancel my US Weekly subscription.
7. Is that chicken organic?
8. No, I do not want to pet/hold/play with your puppy.
9. Dear (insert name of hiring manager), I'm  excited to hear of an opening for a restaurant manager with your company..........
10. No, I'm sorry I can't make it tonight, I can't tear myself away from this Harry Potter book.
11. Can you turn that gangsta rap up.....a little more.....a little more.....
12. Did anyone catch "Kim and Kourtney Take New York" last night? That show was off the hook!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Bed Makin'

Not even close to his handy work
I make the bed everyday. Once every 6-8 weeks Brock makes the bed. Upon completion of said made bed, he often stands back to admire his work as if he had just painted the Mona Lisa. His quiet reflection on his handy work is usually met with a clearing of the throat that gradually gets louder the longer it goes unnoticed. Once I realize that he has accomplished a feat known to few, I immediately shower praises upon him with the same ferocity that I would had he just rushed me out of burning building or discovered a cure for cancer or invented the first ever stylish fanny pack. Yesterday he made the bed.........

Me: Hey, thanks for making the bed.
Brock: No big deal, its what a bring to the table.
Me: Making the bed is what you bring to the table?
Brock: Yes, along with other things.
Me: Such as...
Brock: Good conversation.
Me: And.....
Brock: Aggressive hugging.
Me: Well, I'm one lucky lady.
Brock: You got that right.

He's been threatening to cook and/or do the dishes, to be safe I'm going to go ahead and submit his application for Sainthood.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Fire Drill

Afternoon, March 3rd

We are in our home office, I'm on the computer looking at TMZ CNN and Brock is laying in the middle of the floor on his back staring at the ceiling.

Brock: What would you do if there was a fire and I was unconscious?
Me: (not looking up from the computer) Drag you out.
Brock: How?
Me: (eyeing him up and down) By your feet or pant legs and with a lot of adrenaline.
Brock: I'm going to need you to demonstrate.

Annoyed, I get up and start dragging him out of the office, first by the feet and then to get a better grip by his pant legs. The carpet in the office was tricky but I managed to get him out and I thought I was home free once we hit the hardwood but I had to navigate a step up and I started to lose interest in the fire drill and proving I could save him from a burning building......

Brock: Keep in mind in this scenario I was the one who woke you up to alert you of the fire and by doing so was overcome with smoke and became unconscious.
Me: Well, I think then at this point it would be best if I saved myself so I could get help for you....
Brock: You're kidding, right?
Me: Actually, no......(feeling guilty I continued to try to move his limp body for another 10 minutes)
Brock: (exasperated and in his outdoor voice) HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE FIREMAN LIFT?
Me: (thinking) Oh, yea....that might actually be a better choice than the pant leg pull.

Later that day, Brock decided to go and play Lacrosse and tore his ACL, so in the next 4-6 months if you see me dragging him down Venture Blvd. via the fireman lift or the pant leg pull just go about your business, keep driving, nothing to see, ignore our cries for help, we're fine.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Oscar Night-Best and Worst Dressed

Oscar Night 2012
Fashion world, take note.

Best Dressed

Emma Stone
Red on the red carpet...I don't care. Nicole Kidman wore this...I don't care.
 I love this! And yes, I will always be partial to red heads....always.

Stacey Keibler
Those elves must be proud. She looks stunning.

Gywneth Paltrow
I loved this dress with the cape better than without. I loved the cuff. I wish her hair was parted down the middle and pulled back...what can I say, I am very particular.

Kristen Wiig
I loved the color, the fitted bodice and the fluffy skirt. This also reminds me that I have to swiffer my floor tonight.

Cameron Diaz
I thought this fit her perfectly and the color was fantastic on her.

Louise Roe
The more I look at this the more I love this. Kind of business-y, kind of fancy.

I Can't Explain Why I Like This

Shailene Woodley
I like the waist, the details, the color, the long sleeves....everything about it.

Worst Dressed

Angelina Jolie
OK, this was originally on my best dressed but then she kept doing this weird thing with her leg and that annoyed me, then I realized how skinny she is and that annoyed me, then I remembered she stole Jennifer Aniston's husband and that really pissed me off. Worst Dressed, infinity.

Jennifer Lopez
Dynasty called, they'd like their wardrobe back.

Natalie Portman
Too lady bug-y

Meryl Streep
There is a seafood restaurant on the PCH called Gladstones. When you are unable to finish your meal instead of to-go box, they take gold tin foil and wrap your food in it...and then shape it like a crab, whale or, and I can only assume after today, Meryl Streep's Oscar dress. Because gold tin foil is the fanciest of all tin foils.

Glen Close
Congratulations on winning the Masters.

What Makes Me A Fashion Expert/What I Wore on Oscar Night

This is the honest to God truth.......
Nike shoes, Under Armour socks, Nike work-out pants, Nike long sleeve hooded T under a gray T-shirt.
Down and under a Lacrosse Helmet.
None, except what was left from the previous day.
A radar gun.
Because I was standing behind a goal clocking how fast Brock could shoot a Lacrosse ball.
But Why
Because that is how we spend Sundays.

98mph by the way, thus the helmet.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Veal Chop Johnny

One of my all-time favorite people in the restaurant business is Johnny V. I first met Johnny in Mclean, VA at an open call for Not Buca (name has been changed to protect Maggiano's). In he walked; Greek, mid-late 60's, 5'1", bald, belly like a bowl full of jelly, thick accent, in other words, everything you wanted in a fast paced, high tech restaurant. As Johnny went through the interview process we noticed he was missing several fingers on each hand and he was not shy talking about it. Johnny had spent the early part of his 20s in the military and on one particular day as he was escorting an American Colonel through a field they were hit.  Johnny went to shield the Colonel  and in the process lost several fingers but also gained American citizenship. And so Johnny came to America, was hired at Not Buca and the fun began.

We soon realized that Johnny couldn't see without his glasses which he rarely brought with him. Eyesight was important when ringing the orders, it was crucial when you wanted to ring in orders correctly. Johnny was not concerned with the latter. At any given point in the night, there would be anywhere from 5-7 misorders from Johnny sitting in the window. The staff ate well those nights.... those sitting in Johnny's station, not so much.

We also realized that a station rotation was not in the best interest of Johnny. Great pains and lengths go into making sure servers are rotated fairly between stations. A new station for Johnny meant that everything he rang in would be on last nights table numbers. So it was agreed upon that Johnny would stay in one station...until the end of time. Station #6 would become Johnny's. It was 3 steps from the computer, 3 steps from the kitchen and the table numbers were simple; 10, 11, 12, 13  (about the same time that it was decided that Johnny would only be in Station #6, it was decided that he would only have 3 tables).

I'm sure by now  you are wondering how Johnny made money with all the challenges he encountered. HE MADE A TON. Whatever he lacked in technical skills he more than made up for in personality. People waited to sit in his section. While they were waiting on their food (which they did a lot in his section), he gave them back rubs, the best back rubs, what he could do with those little fingers was amazing. When Johnny had down time, he walked around the dining room and gave everyone back rubs, he played with babies, he joked with kids, he flirted with the ladies, he loved and they loved him back. But alas, one day it was too much and we did what any good business would do with an employee who is struggling in their current position...we promoted him.

That's right, Johnny became the Maitre 'd. You know, that guy who plays an integral part in the success of the business by quoting accurate wait times, rotating seating, planning the floor for the night and working closely with the host stand which was mostly girls in their 20s.  Johnny was mostly a figure head, meaning the guy you wanted to shake hands with and tell stories with.....not the guy who wanted to count on having your 22-top ready at 7:30 on Friday in December. So Johnny continued to walk around and give back rubs and kiss little kids while managers stepped up and assumed the technical part of the Maitre 'D role.

This all worked well...until Mother's Day, the mother of all days in the restaurant business. Due to the large amounts of reservations and large parties, there is really no room for error, we gave ourselves a 3 table cushon that day. It should also be known that the Maitre 'D position is one that relies heavily on nonverbal communication and hand signals from across the room. There are hand signals for "break down a table", "flip it up", "unflip a table", "highchair", and of course, "number to set the table for".  Unfortunately for our guests that day, there are no visible difference when Johnny held up the number 7 or 6, or 8 or 9, or 3 or 4, or 2 or 5, or 9 or 6...and so on. After seating numerous parties at the wrong table, Mother's Day did not go well. As we were digging ourselves out of  being behind by 3 hours and struggling to keep Johnny in check, a guy walked up to us and said, "So, I see you hired Veal Chop Johnny". We sheepishly said yes and then inquired about the name, Veal Chop Johnny. He
explained that managed "That's Amore" in Vienna and on the computer screen, right next to the "Send" button was the "Veal Chop" button. He further explained that it was not uncommon on any given shift of Johnny's he would accidentally hit the "Veal Chop" button instead of the "Send" button no fewer than 8 times a night. Within the first week of working there he known as "Veal Chop Johnny". We all had a good laugh and continued to pay Veal Chop Johnny to give back rubs for the next 2 years.  

He was a good, good man and I miss him.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Grammy Fashion?

Oh, Grammys, I don't get you.

What I Liked

Corrine Bailey Rae
Love this fun, fluffy dress. Love the Payless Shoes (no joke) even more!

Kelly Osbourne
This dress is great for her figure. My fav of the night.

Paris Hilton
Love white! Paris Hilton, not so much.


Taylor Swift
I usually find her fashion uninteresting, but she looks great in this.

Katy Perry
Looks like blue frosting...which I love.

What I Didn't Like and/or Scared Me

Bonnie McKee
Wow! That is all.....

 Sasha Gradiva
There have been some burglaries in my neighborhood which is where this bad ass dress should be has no place on the red carpet.

Orange you glad I'm wearing underwear?
Yes, yes we are.

Jessie J
I like this better when my baked potato wears it.

Nicki Minaj
Is it me or is that outfit on the left just a little pompous for the Grammys?

Remember a few weeks ago when I was thinking about getting bangs? Yeah, I don't think that's going to happen.

What I Wore**
In a bold move I paired navy blue yoga pants with a black hoodie (gasp). Shoes were grey Nike tennis shoes, hair was straightened, red and pulled into a chignon (low bun for you pedestrians). Make-up was natural with only moisturizer and a kool-aid mustache.

**Ginger Scone has no formal training in fashion and taste.