Monday, January 30, 2012

Sag Fashion

Last night was the Sag Awards. Herewith, are my picks for Best and Worst Dressed.

Best Dressed

Ahna O'Reilly
Of course it's because she has red hair.

Zoe Saldana
If I could have any dress this would be the one. Stunning.

Julie Bowen
I love the color, the sleeves, the hair, everything.

Gretchen Mol
I like the fit, the collar, the cumber bun and her hair.

Viola Davis
Ok, obviously I have a thing for white. A little less boob and it might have been my favorite. Love her hair.

I Can't Explain Why I Like These

Rose Byrne
I'm sorry, I love the pant suit. Oh, and I'm thinking about getting bangs.

Kristen Wiig
I know the choker is all wrong, but I like the dress so much that I forgive.

Worst Dressed

Angelina Jolie
We get it, you are so busy saving the world you don't have time to eat.  

Busy Phillips
And this is why I don't like hippies.

Kaley Cuoco

Lea Michele
She literally stood like this all night to show her leg. No dress should have a slit that high, it's repulsive.

Michelle Williams
There is not one thing I like about this dress, except that it's probably not being worn today.

Emily Blunt
 Dress by Oscar de la Renta, hair by Mary Todd Lincoln.

What I Wore
2011 Watts Summer Games white T-Shirt with product endorsement on the back (so you know it's classy), hot pink Costco track jacket, my beloved TJMaxx jeans, Nike Flip Flops and a layer of potato chip crumbs down my front. Make-up was moisturizer and mascara. Hair was a high pony tail help in place by a black elastic band and fear.  

Friday, January 27, 2012

Words with Cupcake

For those of you that have an iPhone, I'm sure you are familiar with Words with Friends and the large amounts of time that can be wasted on the game. For those of you who aren't, its an app that allows you to play Scrabble against someone you know or a random opponent. As a rule, I don't like board games, but Word with Friends I like because I can play as often or as little as I want and on my own terms. Plus, you can send and receive messages to/from your opponent and it tallies up the score for you.... probably because we are tired from all that spellin'.

About 2 months ago, Brock and I downloaded the app on our phones. We were able to set it up so we could access the same game on both of our phones and we figured that 2 brains was better than 1.....big mistake. We quickly started playing, mostly with random opponents and one with the math teacher at his school. We were getting beat on a consistent basis. The matches weren't even close. As we would celebrate an 18 point word, our opponents would quickly respond with 76 point word. This happened game after game after game. The worst was the math teacher who Brock had to face everyday and endure his taunts. We would request new opponents and each one was smarter than the next, with user names like "wordphd", "imnmensa", and "brainiac" our success rate on Words with Friends was embarrassing. Over time, we got used to losing and dare I say comfortable with our inability to take 7 letters and turn them into a word worth more than 8 points. It had become a sad existence. Finally, in one last effort to save our dignity we requested another opponent, and that's when God smiled on us and we were matched up against "cupcake".

As we began our match against Cupcake, we discovered we had finally meet our intellectual equal. We played "rat" and Cupcake responded with "am", we added an "s" to "rat" and Cupcake fired back with "sat".  Suddenly, the pressure of coming up with 80 point words was off. Granted, the games took weeks as neither one of played a word with more than 4 letters. Brock and I were feeling good and our confidence started to blossom. As we celebrated our new found intelligence, our thoughts turned to Cupcake. Who was Cupcake?  First off,  we assumed Cupcake was female. Based on her level of vocabulary, we figured Cupcake to be in the 3rd or 4th grade. Then her name conjured up all sorts of images. We imagined her to wear mostly pink, be a huge Hello Kitty fan, have her phone case bedazzled and never miss an episode of Glee.  Cupcake probably lives in a Chicago suburb, does gymnastics in the summer and ice skates in the winter,  and lists cotton candy as one of her favorite foods. Regardless, Cupcake proved to be a worthy opponent for our skill level and we showed no mercy. One particular game, Cupcake was making an unprecedented comeback. Trailing  by 175 points she was able to close the gap to 40. Then, in a move that can only be described as a miracle, we played the word "jack" and with triple letters and triple word, "jack" was worth 121 points, the most we had ever played. We high fived, we laughed, we were euphoric, we were lost in ourselves........and then the game signaled that there was a message from Cupcake. She had never messaged us and we had never messaged her....but now, Cupcake had something to say.  Her message was simple and direct and went like this:


Well said, Cupcake, well said.

Monday, January 23, 2012


Not us.

Three things to know.

First, I have never been accused of being overly affectionate in public. In fact, I have been told that I have ice in my veins.....well, ice and hot chocolate (I do consume a large amount of hot chocolate). Not that I'm against a nice hug or even better, a high-five, it's just that I'm not demonstrative in my show of like/love for an individual.

Second, Brock enjoys these following displays of affection when we are public: bear hugs, wrestling moves, picking me up, aggressive and repeated high-fives, and short kisses, but never hand holding. The only time he breaks his no hand holding policy is when he is afraid that I won't make the "Walk" sign at an intersection. Once we have safely reached the other side he quickly lets go of my hand and we have a spirited round of "high-fiving" to celebrate crossing the street.
Third, his refusal to hold hands does not bother me. Which makes the following conversation even more curious.

Backdrop: We are in our house walking down the hallway (the house is 1600 sq ft so it's not a long walk).

Brock: (grabbing my hand and holding it) Do you know what my New Years resolution is?
Me: I wouldn't know where to start.
Brock: It's more public displays of affection, starting right now with me holding your hand.
Me: You know technically this isn't public. We are in our house, not out in public.
Brock: Oh (thinking)......well, this is as good as it's going to get for you.
Me: Noted.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Jimmy Fallon and I are Too Sexy

First read this: I'm Too Sexy
(It will only take a minute, so settle down.)

Then watch this at the at the 1:17 mark.

Is it me or is Jimmy Fallon a comedic genius?

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The Golden Globes

Yes, the Golden Globes were Sunday night and Hollywood was looking good.....kind of. Herewith, are my picks for Best and Worst Dressed.

Disclaimer: I have not watched or read any Best/Worst Dressed List so any similiarity in my picks and Anna Wintour's picks are merely a coincidence....a very tasteful, fashion forward coincidence.

I Liked

Jessica Biel
I know this looks a little old-fashiony but I LOVED this.

Sarah Hyland

Charlize Theron
I'm sure it helps when you are 6 feet tall, blonde and tan. Gorgeous.

Jessica Alba
I think she just had baby.....

Kate Beckinsale
Beautiful....except for those plat-formy shoes.

Melissa McCarthy
I LOVED her hair and the neck-line, but what I really loved is how comfortable this looks. I bet it even has pockets.

Missi Pyle
I don't know who she is but well done, actress lady, well done.

Explain to Me Why I Like This

Tilda Swinton
I'm not sure if it is the Flock of Seagulls hair or the Dynasty shoulder pads, but I can't look away.

Guiliana Rancic
I'm guessing it's the high collar that I like, I can't imagine that its pattern on the bodice.

I No Like

Kelly Osbourne
This Dynasty look I don't care for or is it the gray hair?

Julianna Margulies
I don't get it.

Lea Michele
I think it looks slutty, like if Las Vegas was a gown.

Emily Deschanel
I despise this color and although missing one sleeve helps that, its still wierd.

Tina Fey
I prefer this dress when I'm stepping on it as I get out of the shower.

Michelle Williams
It's embarrassing to the leopards who she stole this print from.

What I Wore on Sunday Night
I went casual in my TJMaxx Jeans, pink long sleeve ruffled V-Neck under  a V-Neck camel color wool long sleeve sweater. Shoes were by Nike. Make-up by Chapstick. Accessories were simple with a Burberry watch. And hair....I was a vision in my low messy pony tail twisted into a bun.

Friday, January 13, 2012

People's Choice Awards

It's awards season and you know what that means! I will be handing out my Best Dressed and Worst Dressed Awards for each of the awards shows. Yes, its true, I have no fashion training and yes, my comments may be pedestrian and way off base, but my eyes like what they like and hate what they hate.

People's Choice Awards
(I apologize in the delay but I had no idea this was on Wednesday. In other news Top Chef's Restaurant Wars was riveting!)

What I Liked
Not much really.

Ginnifer Goodwin
Except for church bells for sleeves, I loved the color, the fit, the make-up and especially the hair.

Faith Hill
I love high necks and halter style tops. She looks great.

Kaley Cucoa
I believe she was the host of the show and I'm sure she had several changes but I thought the color went well with her skin tone and I think the dress had the right amount of embellishment although I might have pulled her hair back.

Julianne Hough
Love the color. This fits perfectly. The shoes are great. Big flowy hair-yes, yes, a million times yes! Only criticism is that I think she dates Ryan Seacrest.

Explain to Me Why I Like This
(New Category)

Kelly Osbourne
Each award show there is always one or two dresses that everyone hates but that I love and I don't know why. I love this. I love the top, I love the long skirt, I love that stripe down the front. Although I don't like the hair color (too grey) I love the style. Go figure.

What I Didn't Like
(Evidently, a lot)

Lucy Hale

Vanessa Hudgens
Too cob webb-y.

Jennifer Lawrence
It's weird, I was wearing this same dress yesterday while I was running errands and the people at Wal-Mart and Jiffy Lube didn't care for it either. At least that's what their stares conveyed.

Carly Chaikin
No, no, no, no

Jennifer Morrison
A plant from the 1970's  called, its wants its macrame hanger back.

Tracy Gold
I love muscular women and its obvs that she has been working out, but I would rather see her in a cap sleeve (go ahead and roll your eyes) and a little more length on the dress and/or something that would elongate her.

Alyson Hannigan
Ok, this one is hard. I love redheads in red-although I never do and probably never will. This doesn't work for me: the color, the hair, the make up, the pattern on the dress. I don't like any of it. This makes her look much older than she is and I find it uninspired.

Oh, what was I wearing for the People's Choice Awards?
I was stunning in my TJMaxx Jeans with back pocket embellishment, button down white JCrew oxford with 3/4 sleeve, blue and white striped Gap T over the top and Nike Flip Flops. Make-up was minimal with mascara and bronzer. Hair was big, red and fabulous, as always.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Kim-pletely Annoyed

Well, its a new year and my favorite family is a big way.....with their own line of OPI Nail Kolor. Its called the Kardashian Kolor (see what they did there replacing the "C" in Colors with a "K", genius!). These are the names of their Kolors.

It's All About the Glam
Kim-pletely In Love
All Kendall-ed Up
Wear Something Spar-Kylie
Seal with a Kris
Rainbow in the S-kylie
Disco Dolls
Kendall on the Katwalk
Listen to Your Momager!
Follow Me on Glitter
My Empire...My Rules
Khloe had a Little Lam-Lam
Hard-Kourt Fashionista
Kourt is Ready for a Pedi

Evidently, they weren't impressed with the Kolors I submitted.

You Suck Blue
Orange you Glad There is Only 6 of Us!
Kim-pletely Annoyed
Fa$$$$hionista Fuch$$$$$$ia (see what I did there, I used "$" instead of "S")
Full Kourt Press On Nails
Ken-dallar Bill$
SunsE!t SiE!nna
Khloe is Tex-y is Texas
Pre-Nup A-green-ment
Grainy Sex Tape
Getting Over the Hump-hries (takes 72 days to dry)
Color Me Bruce-tifal!
Sears-iously Purple

Friday, January 6, 2012

I'm Too Sexy

Sydney Spies.
The Huffington Post reported that Colorado's Durango High School Jezebel senior, Sydney Spies, had her senior picture that she submitted for the yearbook rejected as it was deemed too sexy. Miss Spies was wearing a black shawlish type top, yellow mini skirt, bleach blond hair, a come hither look, signiture pout,  and the thing that got her in trouble.....sexiness! When asked why she chose that particular picture for the year book, 18 year old Sydney explained that as a dancer and an aspiring model this was the look that best represented her, even going so far as to say it was "artistic".  

Wow.....I feel you, girlfriend. I too was accused of being too sexy in my senior picture. As an A&W waitress and an aspiring A&W manager, I thought  my senior picture (below) represented my savvy business acumen (note the loafers) along with my whimsical side (note the haphazzard side barrette).  Unfortunately, not everyone felt that way and I was forced to submit something a little more appropriate than that whorish display of eroticism pictured below. In the end, I never did find out if it was the acid washed jeans, my exposed decolletage or the sexy back-drop/farm that lead to being labeled "too sexy", but I've carried that stigma with me ever since. Despite my obsticles, I  have learned to live a very productive and rewarding life. Stay strong, my too sexy, sisters, stay strong.
Iowan/Fanny Pack Lover/Funyon Eater,
A Triple "Too Sexy" Threat

Sunday, January 1, 2012

My NY's Resolutions

After much thought and deliberation, these are my New Years Resolutions. I'm so stoked for 2012!

1. Incorporate the word "stoked" into my vocabulary. Goal-use 5x per day.
2. Greet people with air kisses instead of my signature high-five/fist bump combo.
3. Swear less. Swear more....I'm not sure what the %$#* I was thinking.
4. Draw a hard line that anything outside of the laundry hamper does not get washed.
5. Organize the garage.
6. Obtain a part-time job.
7. If obtained,  DO NOT let new part-time become that life-suck/16 year career that "Not Bucca" (name has been change to protect Maggiano's) became.
8. Win a game on "Words with Friends".
9. Hug more, roll eyes less.
10. Stop lying about my weight to the treadmill machine at the gym and/or get down to lied about weight.
11. Stop judging people based on their status updates, start judging them based on their profile pictures.
12. Stop wearing sweatpants in public and/or get a pair of "goin' out" sweatpants.
13. Become more awesome. (if possible)

As you can see I will be quite busy in 2012 and much more evolved by 2013.