Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Safety McPrude

I spend about 45 minutes a day reading Craigslist. I find it to have some of the most entertaining reading out there today. I stumbled along this little Help Wanted ad a few days ago. Intrigued, I had to respond.

Food Truck

Actual Craigslist Help Wanted Ad  for a Food Truck Cook
(I'm not joking)
"We are looking for a skilled cook. The #1 qualification is you must be fast, #2 is high standards #3 you must be able to cook meat. Fine dinning experience is a plus. This is a full time salary position. You must be willing to work hard long hours. The chef has worked in and managed some of the top kitchens in Los Angeles. You must be able to take direction. Reliable transportation to our Commissary in Van Nuys is a must. This is a chance to be on the ground floor of a growing company, future Chef and Sous Chef opportunities."

This is the cover letter I sent with my resume

Dear Sirs: (ok, we all know there is no way this was written by a woman)

This is in response to your Craiglists ad for a Food Truck Cook. Let me just say, "Wow" is as if you are describing me in your ad.
Let me first address your #1 qualification of speed. In my kindergarten class I was 7th fastest out of 18 and that was before high performance running shoes (actually, I think I was wearing saddle shoes that day).  As I have gotten older, I have only become faster. Things I can do at a high rate of speed include: driving, eating a bag of potato chips, and drinking a large Starbucks Ice Tea.

6 kids faster than me

Secondly, let me address your #2 qualification of high standards. Former co-workers have said to me, "Wow, you have really high standards. If only your standards were as high as you are fast". Things I have high standards in include: fashion (I always match my fanny pack with my shoes), cleanliness (it is rare for me to go a week without washing my hair) and safety (I not only wear a seat belt in the car but a helmet, elbow pads and a layer of bug spray, which I'm sure you appreciate in the Food Truck business).

Safety first! Appearance second!
Finally, is my 3rd best quality my ability to cook meat, you ask? One word for you: Iowan. Other things I can cook include: Hot Pockets, Pop Tarts and I can heat up Hot Chocolate. By hiring me your food truck won't get stuck being a one trick pony.
Still not convinced? These are actual nicknames I have had that will support my qualifications: Speedy McRunnyPants, High Standards McGee, T-Bone, Pork-Its Whats for Dinner Malone and Safety McPrude.
In conclusion, the chance to work with tops chefs in Los Angeles as well as having transportation to Van Nuys where I am going to work long hard hours sounds like a dream come true. Sign me up!

Yours truly,
The fastest, high standard meat cooker around with reliable transportation

Still waiting for a phone interview......


  1. Speedy McRunnyPants? Sounds like you had an accident.

  2. Bob-I guess I didn't think that one through!