Friday, April 22, 2011

Ed Hardy Shirts are Too Tight

On Wednesday  it was announced that Bud Selig, Major League Baseball Commissioner, had taken over operations of the Los Angeles Dodgers due to growing concerns over the finances and overall operations of the ball team. I don't really have an opinion about this but why stop with the Dodgers?  I have a list of business and entities that I have growing concerns about that would benefit from some MLB leadership. Here is my list and my plea to the Commissioner of things I would like Major League Baseball to take control of.

Good Job, Dodgers!

Jersey Mike's
Mr. Selig, if you could bring 50% of the sanitation standards you bring to restrooms in baseball stadiums across the country to the Jersey's Mikes in my neighbor, it would be a 100% improvement. I would even overlook the fact that my sub sandwich is served with an eye roll and a side of sarcasm.

Ed Hardy
Mr. Selig, if you could get 1-3% of the men in Los Angeles who wear Ed Hardy shirts that are 6 sizes too small to wear baseball jersey's or any other shirt for that matter, you would make me 95-99% happier and less annoyed. I'll even look the other way on the over powering cologne and the douchey driving that these Ed Hardy wearing men seem to possess.

Sexy Accessories!

My Local Dog Park
Mr. Selig, your baseball fields seem to be poop free. Whatever standard you have set seems to be the exact opposite of the standard set at the dog park that I frequent. Please bring this accountability to our local dog parks and my poop free shoes will thank you.

My Grocery Shopping
Mr Selig, this area will require you to take control financially. Although I spend hundreds of dollars a month on groceries I'm not hundreds of dollars less hungry at the end of the month. You seem to be able to keep your baseball stadiums full of delicious staples like hot dogs, nachos, giant pretzels, and ice cream while still having money left over. Please show me how to do the same.

Ball Park Hot Dogs....mmmmmmm!

Green Arrows for Left Hand Turns
Mr. Selig, you don't have to take this over as these don't exist in Los Angeles. You would need to implement this. Don't worry, we will supply the traffic and the left turns. We just need our own little 3rd base coach in the form of a green arrow to wave us through.

Baseballs own green arrow...the 3rd base coach.

And now I wait for MLB's response........


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