Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Dear Kim K

Dear Kim Kardashian,

The year was 1999 and I was living in Mclean, VA. I was working as a Kitchen Manager at Not Bucca (name has been changed to protect Maggiano's). This is how all my blogs are going to start from this point forward. As a KM (Kitchen Manager, Einstein) you have the pleasure of getting up at 5:30am, counting all the food in the walk-ins (Big refrigerators, Mensa Member) and deciding what you are going to prep for the day. 5:30am is cold. 5:30am is even colder inside a walk-in. 5:30am is even colder when you are inside a walk-in and you have to touch food product and the containers they are stored in. But I dressed the part: sweatshirt, coat, gloves, & boots.

One particular morning I was colder than usual. Realizing that we had a pretty abundant supply of clothing at the restaurant, known as the Lost and Found, I decided to do a little shopping. As I rummaged through my make shift Gap, there in the corner was exactly what I was looking for, a sweatshirt. A 1992 Planet Hollywood black sweatshirt. As it looked back at me, I imagined our life together. It was a whirl wind love affair. The minute I tried on that sweatshirt I felt protected and safe. Our world was bliss.

But as the hours in the day started to go by, employees started to show up, then customers started to arrive. Suddenly my sweatshirt and I were subject to their disapproval. I was told my sweatshirt was obnoxious and yes, it did have all the Planet Hollywood locations listed on the back. I was told my sweatshirt was loud, and yes those locations were listed in the shape of a Christmas Tree. I was told I could do better, that there were other sweatshirts out there that could keep me warmer.  But I didn't care for our love was stronger than the criticism.

But like any relationship between a girl and her sweatshirt, the newness started to wear off and the passion diminished. You start to questions what others are saying about your ill conceived union. And you know what I did, Kim Kardashian, once the flame of passion was merely a flicker? I held on. I held on to my Planet Hollywood sweatshirt with all my might. Sure there were ups and downs, but what did I expect? We came from two different worlds. I from Iowa and my sweatshirt from a lost and found box. But when everything was stacked against us that when our commitment become even stronger and that's when we relied on each other even more. Sure, my travels and my career took me to new places. No longer was a KM, I was the General Manager. There is no place for a sweatshirt in that world, but you know what? After arriving home after 12 hours of work, there was my sweatshirt...waiting for me. As soon as I put it on, everything was alright. The days problems were washed away.

Still goin' strong!
Kim, I'm not comparing Kris Humphries to my sweatshirt. I respect my sweatshirt too much for that. I'm also not comparing my relationship with your relationship. But where is my sweatshirt today, more than 72 days after we met?, you snidely ask. Right where it should be. In my closet next up in the rotation.

Moral of the story #1:
If I can commit to an outdated tattered sweatshirt for 12 years then you can certainly commit to a professional NBA millionaire basketball player for more than 72 days.
Moral of the story #2:
The Lost and Found is an excellent place to Christmas shop. Anyone receiving Christmas gifts from me between 1999-2001 probably noticed a lack of gift receipts.


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