Monday, June 13, 2011

Who Moved My Blueberry Cheesecake?

Welcome to the working world, Class of 2011 College Graduates. Your future is bright and you are full of sunshine, rainbows and fuzzy kitties. I'm sure you have gotten tons of great advice as you enter the "real world". I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't help you navigate this scary new place. Having spent several years in management (yes, restaurant management counts), I do have something to offer to you. As you enter the work force there are a lot of things to know: where do I put my coat when I arrive at work, where are the bathrooms, when do I eat lunch, and what do these big words people are using mean. That's where I come in. You see, there is the actual definition and then the real meaning of the words. Fear not, Braniacs, I'm here to help.

Welcome to the rest of your life

Actual Definition: the capacity for or the act of entertaining ideas
What this really means: A bunch of people from corporate sit around for days in a brain storming session. The session usually results in removing the strawberry topping off the cheesecake and replacing it with blueberry topping, viola, ideation!

Pure Genius!

Actual Definition: the promoting of a product or service by associating it with a particular brand
What this really means: Couponing, specifically "BOGOs" (buy one get one free)

Succession Planning
Actual Definition: the determination of who is next in line for your/a position
What this really means: You're either going to get promoted or fired, but probably fired

Bench Strength
Actual Definition: strong players in support roles who are being developed and/or ready to take on bigger roles
What this really means: Explains why the Dallas Mavericks won last night and the Miami Heat didn't

Worth every penny!

Actual Definition: someone who does not eat/wear any animal product or by product
What this really means: asshole

Think Outside the Box
Actual Definition: exercise your mind by coming up with alternate solutions
What this really means: think outside this very small box but stay in this slightly bigger box, nobody likes a wacko

"Let's Table That"
Actual Definition: postponing of certain topics or discussions
What this really means: the conversation is making corporate uncomfortable

Actual Definition: short for "sauce on the side", also "dressing on the side"
What this really means: sauce on the side and/or dressing on the side, this isn't rocket science

SOS stands for sauce on side

You're Welcome.

1 comment:

  1. oh vegans - why do you guys suck so bad? i've said it before - i love this blog.