Tuesday, October 18, 2011

No Reservations

Today Huffington Post ran an article by Zagat.com regarding the 10 Most Controversial Restaurant Policies. Now I have spent a lot of time in restaurants enforcing unpopular policies with the use of words like, "we suggest" or "we recommend" or my favorite, "for your benefit". I have also spent  equal amount of time breaking policies that I deemed unjust, for example,  I will generally seat an incomplete party (I'm not God) or put a 20 top in a slot for a 2 top....on a Saturday....in December.....at 7:30......and I probably won't get a phone number to confirm. With that being said, I will take an objective view of these so called policies and offer what I can only imagine to be the final say.

10 Most Controversial Restaurant Policies

No Kids:
I Disagree: Why even have brooms if there is no one to tear their meal into little tiny microscopic pieces and place them on the floor?

No Substitutions:
I Disagree: A chronic substituter myself, I am owed the right to take my Chop Salad and substitute it all the way into a Cheese Burger. Deal with me.

Auto-Grats for Large Groups:
I Agree: If  75% of people can't find Canada on a map***, what percent do you think can calculate 20% of a restaurant check? Tip your servers, people!

No Reservations:
I Agree: If 75% of people can't find Canada on a map and 98% of people can't calculate 20% of a restaurant check***, what do think the chances are that that Host in their late teens/early 20's can calculate the table turn-time of the early seating to ensure that your reservation of 20 in December at 7:30 will be ready 15 minutes early to allow you time to decorate the table in festive holiday decor?
Answer: .009% Chance

Credit Card to Hold Reservations:
I Agree: People are rude and don't have the common courtesy of calling and letting a restaurants know
they have had a change in plans. Credit cards prevent this.....plus, in my experience, the credit card is never actually charged.....suckers!

No Cell Phones/Cameras:
I Disagree: Do you really expect me to sit there and talk to the person I'm dining with? What am I? Some sort of animal?

Dining Time Limits:
I Disagree: Just don't be a jerk about it. If you know that you are going to be at the table the entire night, tip accordingly. If the restaurant offers to buy you a drink at the bar after you have been sitting at the table with a paid check for at least 1 hour, take the free drink and don't be offended.

Dress Codes:
I Agree: Have you seen the People of Wal-Mart website? Yes, there should be a dress code...EVERYWHERE.

No Standing at the Bar:
I Disagree: What are you...Un-American?

Cash Only:
I Disagree: How can we spend money we don't have on important things like Chicken Piccata, Tuna Tartare, and Dixie Chicken if a restaurant doesn't accept credit cards. What is it, the 1800's?

***Made up statistics meant to add drama and shock to prove my point.

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