Seacrest Out

US Weekly reported yesterday that with Matt Lauer's contract up in December 2012, Ryan Seacrest is rumored to be in talks to take over Lauer's morning spot. OK, let's all catch our breath and calm down for a minute. You listen and you listen good, Ryan Seacrest, if I have to see your spray tanned face hiding behind that teeth whitened smile every morning from 7:00am-7:20am (the only time actually news is on the Today Show) I will declare war on you, E! Network, the Kardashians, and Ugg Boots (might as well throw those in there as long as I'm going to war, anyway).

If this hadn't been reported by US Weekly, I would have assumed it to be false. I can only surmise that the Today Show is  interviewing the low hanging fruit first and will eventually get to the real reporters they are actually considering for the job. In the event they are having a brain freeze and can't come up with anyone better, here are my suggestions to replace Matt Lauer on the Today Show.

David Gregory

He is a regular fill in for Lauer and seems very much at ease in the day time setting.  Only problem is that is 6'5", could create issues when they have to stand outside. Rumor has it Roker has short man complex.

Luke Russert

He's the son of the late Tim Russert, currently working on MSNBC. He's young and I think the Today Show may want to explore that demographic. Rumor has it though, Roker is an ageist.

Paula Deen

Two female anchors is not out of the question. Look at Weekend Update on SNL with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, ratings went through the roof! Plus have you ever listened to Paula Deen, its like an angel speaking....an angel speaking about her love for butter.

Keith Morrison

Keith is currently on Dateline and he has that voice that I'm sure you recognize. Every time you hear that melodramatic, soft spoken, hypnotizing voice you know you are in for some good listening. He makes anything sound interesting and suspicious.

Boo, The Cutest Dog in the World

Boo doesn't talk. He doesn't need to. Just put him on top of the news desk in his little tub and rubber duck and suddenly the world doesn't seem so bad. I love you, Boo.

Jason Bateman

5 days a week, for 2 hours a day, Jason Bateman on TV. This needs to happen.