Friday, December 16, 2011

The Happiest Day

One year ago yesterday was the best day of my life. It was the day that I decided to give the restaurant business a break from me. I think we are both happier. Since then much has happened. Brock and I started our own business. We got another dog, Maverick. And this blog has been optioned as a movie with the role of Ginger Scone going to Jennifer Anniston. OK, that last part is not true. Anyway, looking back on the past year there are a lot of things I don't miss about the restaurant business but there are some things I do  miss. This is my list.

What I Miss About the Restaurant Business

 Free Food
I had no idea that I was eating 98% of meals at my place of employment, I also had no idea how expensive groceries were. Working at a restaurant is like have one big refrigerator stocked for you, every day new stuff comes in and somebody else cooks it. That is one sweet deal.

The Stories
 If you are at a party, do yourself a favor and find a restaurant manager in the group. Then stick to him/her like glue because you will hear the most mind baffling, outrageous, funny yet sad stories you will ever hear. Want to hear about a sewage back-up at a banquet for the University of Chicago Law Alumni? Want to hear about the waitress who was fired for licking the wall in the middle of a December lunch rush? Want to hear about a banquet sales manager who was testing the AV equipment with the host of the Lutheran Church banquet that was scheduled to take place in 15 minutes, only to start up the TV/VCR combo and play Porn (not good porn, bad porn) that the houseman had been entertaining himself with the night before? Want to hear about Mother's Day 1997 and how we got 5 hours behind on resos (which in theory shouldn't even be possible) and an 80 year old man threw a punch at the Maitre D? I've got 22 years worth of these stories and I fear I may run out. (PS. These aren't even the really good ones)

A Paycheck
Its becoming increasingly difficult to purchase items without a paycheck. Well played, restaurant business, well played.

Things I Don't Miss From The Restaurant Business:

Fridays in December
Its Friday in December and I'm in my sweats and not getting yelled at for forgetting the gift table/kosher meal/3 extra place settings. Where are you?

My 4:30am Call Time
Yes, it does exist. I was as shocked as you.

Chances are if something fun is happening, you will be working.

Knowing Your Place in Society
Nothing reiterates that you are less than others than that condescending tone/stare you get when you forget a fork/bring Coke instead of Diet Coke/take too long to split a check 21 ways/don't seat someone in a booth.

Covering Shifts/Writing Schedules/Answering Schedule Related Questions
50% of your time will be spent covering shifts. 88% of all restaurant firings/quittings take place less than 3 minutes after a 2 week schedule is posted.

 Answering Questions
The other 50% of your time will be spent answering non schedule related questions. Here are some of my favorite: What time is it? Can I be cut? Have you seen (the name of someone who is around the corner)? Can I be cut? I don't feel well, do you think I should go home? Can I be cut? Do we have (whatever item was 86'd yesterday and/or the past 23 days)? Should I take my break now? Where should I take my break? What should I eat on my break? Maybe I shouldn't take my break if I'm going to be cut.........can I be cut?

1 comment:

  1. literally laughed out loud. the place in society is so freaking true. sometimes i want to talk like a black slave and say, "Yes Masta" after I'm shewed away to get someone's ice tea. can i get out of the restaurant business now?