Thursday, February 17, 2011

Don't Suck

With Brock's new job (coaching and teaching), he was asked to update the school website with a blurb about himself, his coaching philosophy and his upcoming season. I thought this was a perfect opportunity for me to test the waters and see if I have what it takes to write something other than a blog-a high school coach's press release. I 'm sure there are 10's of dollars to be made in this type of work. Anything to keep me out of the restaurant business. I gave him two to choose from. The first was a very glowing, grammatically and politically correct, glass half full  blurb. The second was a gritty, rawer somewhat sobering version, which I will share with you below because let's face it, politically correct isn't funny.

***Disclaimer: Any similarities between yourself or someone you know in the paragraph written below are simply coincidental and characters other than Brock are merely fictitious . This is intended to poke fun at one person and one person only-Brock.

"After a long and storied playing career, Coach Liv-Doctor (name has been changed-see previous post) has turned his attention to a rag tag group of ne'er do wells who couldn't tell a goal from their a&%*. His philosophy is simple, "Don't suck, Ladies". His coaching style is loud, hot tempered bordering on rage-y, and if not anything, is foul mouthed and laced with profanities. His demands are simple: Show up on time, once the whistle blows stop asking questions, use the bathroom before practice and for the love of God, really this time, stop asking questions. When asked how his 2011 season was shaping up Coach Liv-Doctor seemed to be looking at something in the far distance when he replied simply, if not sadly, "you know I was pro athlete" he walked away the hand stitched lettering on the back of his t-shirt seemed to say it all......"Suck It". Coach Liv-Doctor is assisted by no one as Superman didn't have a side kick either. For questions about the 2011 season...don't contact Coach Liv-Doctor, he will contact you."

When I showed this version to Brock, his only response was, "You know, my playing career is not over". After much deliberation and wanting to remain employed, he went with the other version.

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