Puppy vs Baby

People love debates and for centuries they have passionately debated topics such as Good v. Evil, Pepsi v. Coke,  and Tubbs v Crockett. The topic I enjoy debating most though is age old debate of Puppy v Baby.

Now it must be stated that I don't have kids or babies and my experience with dogs may be slightly greater. However, personal experience would put the advantage on babies as I have actually been a baby, I have never been a puppy. But fear not, I will present an unbiased argument  showing the pros and cons of both sides.

Cuteness

Baby: See photo

Cute, but seems noisy.

Puppy: See photo

Boo, the world's cutest dog.

Advantage: Do you honestly think I'm going to call this one? If I pick puppy, I have no soul. If I pick baby, my dogs refuse to speak to me.

Earning Potential

Baby: Chances are a baby will grow up, go to school and get a job and if you play your cards right will care for you in your old age.

Puppy: There are very few puppies that make enough to support themselves and their owners. Most of their work is volunteer (IE, rescue dog, therapy dog) and although, rewarding doesn't set up said dog financial security later in life. Now, the puppies that break into the TV and movie industry are nicely compensated but that lifestyle can quickly take a toll. If you are lucky enough to keep your dog off drugs and alcohol and out of the tabloids chances our most of their money will go to agents, managers, and personal assistants. Its really a no win.

Advantage: Baby

Shiny Coat

Baby: Every once in awhile you will see a furry baby, but that is usually only right after they are born and then they lose their fur hair. In their defense, it is pretty shiny.

Puppy: Their coat is shiny and soft from the get go and only becomes more so when given proper nutrition.

Advantage: Puppy

Nice Coat! In the baby's defense I'm not even sure this is a puppy.

Trainability

Baby: A baby has the ability to reason, 2 thumbs and cognitive thinking skills. You think this would give them the advantage. Although they can learn almost anything, later in life they chose not to recall these early lessons. This is called the teen age years.

Puppy: The puppy doesn't have thumbs and only develops reasoning skills of a 2 year old, but he does have something that gives him the advantage, undying loyalty and desire to please. Goose, our Lab, came to us when he was 4 and he has never had an accident in the house, has never chewed anything, and regularly balances our checkbooks and updates our facebook status.

Advantage: Puppy

Smarty Pants!

Sleep Patterns

Baby: I understand that babies need to be feed every 4 hours or so when they are little but eventually settle in to a regular sleep pattern of 8 hours a day at some point in their life.

Puppy: They only eat 2 times a day but that does not guarantee you a restful night. Since they don't wear pampers they have to be taken out frequently to go to the bathroom and they can be restless sleepers. But once they get into a pattern, they sleep through the night and for a better part of the day for the rest of their life.

Advantage: Tie

Cost
Baby: I understand that babies can be quiet costly. Evidently, this cost continues well in to their teen years and for some parents well into their "baby's"  30's. The estimate to raise a child to the age of 18 is around $200,000. That seems like a lot.
Puppy: There is usually a purchase cost, whether it be a donation or a breeder fee. After that, the cost is not too steep. We have 2 dogs and the only monthly purchases are medical and food. So while your are shopping for $300 prom dresses and designer jeans, my dogs and I will be home counting our money.

Advantage: Puppy

In conclusion, after hours of research and field interviews I will you let you, the reader, come to your own conclusion. Although we may never have the answer or both sides may never come together,  this argument is sure to be played out for years to come in bars, baby showers, and animal shelters across the country.

Reps

This is exactly how I look in a bikini.

The following 3 things are true:

I like to work out.

I don't like to be told what to do.

Brock is a personal trainer.

So, it would make perfect sense that Brock would train me at our gym. Now we have done this for years but this was the first time that he was going to "officially" train me, meaning he was going to design work-outs around my fitness goals not his. One week into the training, things were going great. I was starting to notice definition in my arms and we were have fun. On week 2, Brock announced that he was going to introduce some speed work into the workouts, and this is where the wheels started to fall off. Here's how it went.

Brock: (pulling out the bench) Ok, we are going to do speed and foot work.

Me: Why?

Brock:  Because you need it.

Me: (eye roll)

Brock: Ok, here is what you are going to do. Stand on the side of the bench, put your foot closest to the bench on the bench, push off with your other foot and as you put your other foot on the bench drop the other foot on the opposite side and push off again, do that for 25 times.

Me: Why do I need to do this?

Brock: This is for explosiveness and power.

Me: When in my life to I need explosiveness?

Brock: Vacuuming, for starters.

Me: Are you kidding me?

Brock: And also yard work.

We have not been back at the gym together since.

Explosive vacuuming!

Pie in Face

Earlier this week as Rupert Murdoch was testifying at a parliamentary hearing about the phone hacking scandal that rock the News of the World, he was ambushed and  nearly hit by a "pie" made of foam. The pie carrier was identified as Jonnie Marbles (Really?) a British comedian and blogger, who tweet about the attack prior to carrying it out. He has since been arrested. Here's who I would like to hit the face with a pie and what type of pie I would use.

Manpri Inventor
Its not so much the pri in the manpri as it is the man in the manpris that I detest.
Pie: Boysenberry (thrown at the knee caps)

Kicky!

Justin Timberlake

I find him smug and too impressed with himself and I'm annoyed that he seems to keep getting movie deals.

Pie: Pecan (a nod to his Southern roots)

Brangelina

There are just too many of them and their slick back, greasy looking hair makes me uncomfortable.

Pie: Apple

The Hamburgler

Hey, Asshole, stealing hamburgers? Not cool.

Pie: Minced Meat

Diabolical

Dave Matthews

I know he is very popular but the sound of his voice in my ears might as well be fingernails on a chalkboard.

Pie: Lemon Meringue

My ears hurt

Brian Williams

They say he is one of the funniest people on TV, but he seems condescending, snooty and too laid back when delivering the news.

Pie: Shaving Cream Pie

Making smugness happen

Cranberry Juice

Way to capture the taste of orange juice after you brush your teeth and then make it 100% more distasteful.
Pie: In a twist of irony, Cranberry

Looking Back

Yesterday was my birthday and I usually use that day to reflect on my life thus far. The ups, the downs, the "what ifs", the "what if nots", the regrets, the "could have beens". I'm always surprised when people say they have no regrets in their life. Now I get that they are usually referring to the fact that all their choices led them to where they are today and that they are happy with that.....but I think that's bull shit. As a matter of fact, its 11am and I already have 3 regrets today: 1) I regret stepping in dog poop at the park 2) I regret not having a keener sense of smell and realizing I stepped in dog poop before getting into my car and 3) I regret thinking that the Today Show is still news and wasting 45 minutes watching it. So as I look back on my life, here are a few of my regrets and my not regrets.

My Regrets

The restaurant business was good to me, but not as good to me as I was to it. I regret not getting out sooner.

I regret getting bangs for the 4th time and will probably regret getting them for the upcoming 5th time.

I love California and have met of a lot of great people here, but I regret ever leaving Virginia. In my mind, it will always be perfect.

Right back at you!

I regret not inventing the Internet, I would be a lot more financial secure. To be honest though, I wasn't that close to inventing it anyway.

I regret never living in NYC, if only for a short time.

I regret that 5% of the time I am less than awesome.

No Regrets

If 18 year old me was asked where I wanted to go to college, the answer would be University of Iowa, a million times over.

Thanks for the 6 years of memories!

Although I try to eat somewhat healthy, I don't regret that 10 piece Chicken McNugget Value Meal I had on Sunday. It was delicious. (I do regret I wasted my second condiment on Sweet n' Sour dipping sauce, more like Stupid n' Sour dipping sauce)

Ok, I regret not getting the 20 piece.

I don't regret quitting my job without another job in this economy. Chose life when given the choice.

I don't regret any "big" hairstyle I have ever worn. You would think by the pictures that I would, but truth be told, I am longing for the day that big hair comes back.

I don't regret the vast amounts of ice tea (preferably green) I drink, although everyone says it is unhealthy. I have been known to consume up to 2 gallons a day and the last sip of the day is just as tasty as the first sip.

No regrets on the 95% of the time that I am completely awesome.

So contrary to popular belief my life has been far from perfect!

A Perfect Storm

Thanks for scaring us, Los Angeles!

Carmegeddon: July 16-17, 2011 when the 405 Freeway in Los Angeles was/is closed for a 10 mile stretch to tear down a bridge. Angelinos were warned to stay home, go out of town and drive as little as possible over the weekend. We did so with such gusto that the 405 is scheduled to reopen 17 hours early and Carmegeddon was renamed Carmeheaven because it was the only 2 days in LA history that the freeways were without traffic.

Don't let his good looks fool you!

Maverick: A 1.5 year old Golden Retriever that we rescued on Tuesday.

Pack Leader

The Sonoma Shootout: One of the biggest Lacrosse Recruiting Tournements on the West Coast. A 3 day event, July 15-17 (see where I'm going with this) where Elite High School Boys teams get to play a 7-9 game tournement schedule in front of 70 college Lacrosse Coaches. Several players and coaches from the Los Angeles area went...including Brock.

These 3 events created the perfect storm. A weekend where I couldn't go anywhere, while at home with a new dog, while Brock enjoys 3 days of Lacrosse 6 hours away.

Here is how I spent my time this weekend.

Spent substantial amount of time explaining to Maverick that there are better things to eat than my tennis shoes.

Explaining to Maverick that his poop is not one of them.

Explaining to Maverick that although he has never lived inside, common courtesy is that you still go to the bathroom outside.

Got shin splints from our marathon walks in effort to wear him out.

Explaining to Maverick that I always return from a trip to the bathroom. He is yet to be more than 5 feet away from me. His middle name is "Back Pack".

Explaining to Maverick that there is no need to growl at the dog in the mirror, he is actually a lot like him.

Same goes for the dog he sees in the reflection of his water bowl.

Perfected laying perfectly still in bed as not to let on that I was up, therefore avoiding all the excitement that ensues when word gets out that I'm awake. I am now able to slow my heart rate down to 30 beats a minute while only taking 3 breaths a minute.

In other words, the weekend was perfect.

Facebook

No doubt about it, I love Facebook. Although, I love looking at my friends pictures, seeing the witty status updates and finding out who "friended" who there are somethings that I don't like. Now, I'm sure there are things that I do on Facebook that people don't like....but I'm the one with the blog so we'll start with what I don't like and to be fair, list what I do like.

Facebook Things I Don't Like

Hoity Toity Pictures

I don't like pictures of friends on boats/yachts sipping expensive champagne out of crystal glass on a sunny day while I sit at home not knowing  anyone with a boat/yacht and I can't afford expensive champagne and/or a champagne glass.

Nice touch with the guitar, Snobs.

 

Facebook Friend Suggestions

I love friends that suggest friends to me. I don't like the friend suggestion that Facebook gives. That fact that I'm not friends with someone who I have 44 mutual friends should tell you something, I don't want to be friends with him as a matter of fact I unfriended him in the first place. Or there is the other extreme where we have NO friends in common. How would Facebook know that I would want to be friends with someone like that....they sound unpopular.

"Awesome" Abuse

I love the word awesome as it describes so many awesome things. However, the fact that you are at Chili's eating an "awesome" burger, just finished an "awesome" work-out, met up with some "awesome" friends (unless they really are awesome) is blatant abuse of the word thus diminishing the impact when it is used for something that really is awesome, such as, the Iowa State Fair, a pork tenderloin sandwich, a mustache, 80's hair (male or female),  and the band Journey.

Awesome font!

 

Countdowns

"Only 6 days until...." followed the next day by "Only 5 days until...." followed the next day by "Only 4 days until..." and so on. The reason I dislike this so much is that you are probably counting down to something really exciting where as in 6 days I will be going to Costco's. I don't need the daily reminder that my life is "un-awesome".

Facebook Things I Do Like

Dog Picture

Post a lot and post them often. I demand it.

More pictures like this! Stat!

Witty Status Updates

"If you say something that isn't witty, was it really ever heard."

-Unknown Prophet

"Like This"

With one click I can show my approval of something. Could there be a lazier way to do something? I think not and I "like this".

Facebook: Makin' us lazy

Now if you'll excuse me, I must go like some awesome posts.

There's a Foot in My Soup

Brock and I love eating out and we love a bargain. One type of food that is easy on the pocket book, is Pho (pronounced "fa") Soup. Pho Soup consists of rice noodles, broth (beef or chicken) and thin slices of beef or chicken and then garnished with basil, bean sprouts, lime and jalapenos. We have Pho Soup shops all over the neighborhood and at $5.25 for a large and filling bowl of soup, we go often.

I'd like a side of thumb

We have been going to our favorite Pho Soup place about once every two weeks for about 3 years now. The soup is so good that we have been able to overlook a few of the minor health code violations that seem to be taking place. I have a much stronger stomach than Brock and also a higher tolerance for violations. I am OK eating something 7 days past the expiration date, I don't mind if something drops on the floor, and I don't care if something isn't cooled properly or cook at the proper temperature. I have been surprised at how Brock was able to look past some of the goings on at the Pho Soup place. He didn't seem to mind when our server came out of the un-air conditioned office carrying a bloody grocery bag full of raw meat and went directly to the kitchen. He didn't pay much attention to the food product that was sitting outside the kitchen door in the 100+ degree temperature. He laughs at the fact that when the guy is delivering our soup with his thumb submerged about 2 inches into the soup as he sets it on the table and then proceeds to licks the broth off his thumb when he walks away only to do it all over again at the next table.

The soup is that good.....or is it?

This is what happened at our 2rd to last visit:

Brock: "I need a refill'

Me: "Isn't that our server sitting outside"

Brock: (straining to see out the front door) "Where?"

Me: "See him..he's sitting on a dish rack"

Brock: "What's he doing? ......Are his shoes off?"

Me: "He appears to be rubbing his feet"

Brock: "Is he wearing socks?" (always justifying)

Me: "No, it appears he is rubbing his bare feet with his bare hands"

Brock: "Maybe his shift is over"

Server then puts on shoes gets up and comes over to the table to asks about a refill.

Brock: (no eye contact) "No, I'm fine."

Just like this, only more bunyon-y.

This gives us quite a bit to talk about the next few weeks as we debate whether or not we will return. Finally, we give it another shot assuming this was just a innocent foot rub after a long shift. The Soup is still good but this time Brock can't get past it and I just have a beverage that tasted like sock. Finally, after much consideration and a stomach ache Brock announces that he is done with the Pho. Its a sad ending to a long term relationship.

Thanks for the memories, Phoot (pronounced "foot") Soup! It was fun ride!

Becoming Betsy Ross

Happy 4th of July! I'm sure you have a day full of bbq's, picnics, beach, parades, and then topped off with fireworks. We have a full day planned but nothing will compare July 4, 1976 (yes, that makes me in my very, very, very late 30's).

Feelin' Bicentennial-y!

Midwesterners love July 4th. They love flags on their shirts (look down at your shirt, do you have a flag?), they love flags in their yards and they love desserts that resemble flags. So it was no surprise that the with the 1976 Bicentennial approaching,  that small towns all over the Midwest would pull out all the stops. My town was no different. This was a 3 day event with games, pig roasts, bands, parties, and most of all a parade.............with a prize for the best costume.

So life like!

I had to win that prize, but how? I would be competing against at least 3 other girls in my age group so competition was going to be fierce. There was really only one costume that would put me over the top, our beloved Betsy Ross. So Betsy Ross I would be. But not just any Betsy Ross the best Betsy Ross ever. I learned at a young age that showmanship isn't the only thing......it is everything! Thus the planning began. Costume was in production complete with little hat and Iowa was being scoured for props (flag, big needle, little glasses to sit at the end of my nose). Things were coming together. But how can I be expected to walk in a parade while pretending to sew a flag? Think, Ginger, think! Then it came to me, Mr. Buffet, the only neighbor in town who has a riding lawn mower (he is also the one who give out apples for Halloween) can pull me through the parade. So construction went into high gear. It was looking like I had this in the bag, but never one to rest, I needed a ringer. That ringer was my cousin Scott. Now Scott  was focused on winning the best bicycle, he ate, slept and breathed his bicycle design.  As he story boarded his bicycle, costume and parade route, he too realized that if we joined forces we would be unstoppable. His fingers may have been weak from the tedious task of draping his wheels in crepe paper but his mind was sharp and desire to win was strong. We were the perfect team of Betsy Ross and Uncle Sam.

Scott beat my sister out for top prize, to this day they don't speak.

So throughout the parade, as I was pulled on my make-shift float at about .05mph, Scott, in his Uncle Sam costume and red, white and blue decorated bike, rode circles around my float. Although, my glasses gave me a head ache and his cotton ball beard was itchy, we didn't let anything damper our spirits on our 8 block ride. I pretend sewed like there was no tomorrow! Scott waved at the crowd and only stopped once when his paper hat blew off and once when he got dizzy from all the circle and fell off his bike.

The crowd went crazy! Our reward that day, 1st Prize-Girls Costume, 1st Prize-Best Bicycle.

And that my friends, is how you celebrate the 4th. 

Me, front row far left. Scott, front row #83.

Locked Up Abroad

I love the TV show Locked Up Abroad, which re-enacts real life experiences as told by the real life person. So you can imagine my excitement when the season premiere was approaching a month ago. The premise of the show, which airs on National Geographic Wednesdays at 10pm PST, is simple:

#1) You have been locked up

#2) You have to have been abroad during said "lock up"
#3) Every time an important fact is said, the camera freezes dramatically

Not required, but recurring themes on Locked Up Abroad are:

#1) A trusting Brit who is swayed to travel around the world by an stranger

#2) A slimy stranger that the Brits family doesn't trust and warn Brit against

#3) Drugs strapped to some part of Brits body as Brit boards plane

#4) Native thugs who meet Brit at airport

#5) Corrupt police department

#6) Prison sentences ranging from 7 years-45 years 

So imagine my surprise when I watched the first 3 episodes.

Episode #1

This was the retelling of a story of a former mafia snitch and the real life goodfella living in witness relocation. Although after being dropped from the relocation program due to a drug arrests, he was locked up (check).  However,  he was not abroad unless Washington State is no longer part of the United States. Now I missed the first 10 minutes of the show, so there is a possibility that at some point he was abroad, but that is beside the point.  But I continued to watch.....

Real life Goodfella

Episode #2
A Brit (check) falls in love with a recently separated Filipino woman via the Internet, travels to meet her, gets her pregnant and they are chased by her ex-husband, arrested for adultery and spend 2 nights in jail (OK, technically "locked up", but not by Locked Up Abroad standards). Growing concerned, I continued to watch......




Safely back in England...that's where he is.


Episode #3
A California near do well, falls into counterfeit money-ing and travels to Mexico (this is only an hour from where I live so it really doesn't count as "abroad")  to purchase steroids to resell in the US. Once caught trying to pass his phony money, he is arrested and spends 2.5 years in jail (check).
I vow I will give the show one more chance and tune in for.......

What could go wrong here?

Episode #4
A trusting Brit (check) agrees to a free trip from a stranger (check) she meets at a bar despite her sister advising her against the trip (check). Once she arrives in Mauritius (check) with a wedge sandal full of heroin (check) she is met by authorities who will let her off the 45 year prison sentence (check) if she can lead them to the local drug contact (check). When the police fail to catch the local thug, she spends 7 years in prison.

Seems pretty normal

Locke Up Abroad....you nailed it!