Sloppy Joe's

Have you experienced 3 or more of the following symptoms in the past month? Dizziness, blurred vision, increased sensitivity to light and/or dander, decreased appetite with the exception to Chicken McNuggets, increased intolerance to Ugg Boots, increased tolerance to fanny packs, hives, occasional limping, panting, or sudden growth spurt of 6 more inches?

If so, 1 of 2 things is probably happening. Either you have something severely wrong with you and, on the slight chance you are still reading this, you should probably stop and go seek medical attention or you miss my blog. If it's the later, I'm here to heal.

I took a break from the blog due to the fact that I got a part time job. Yes, the fun and games are over as I now work about 20-22 hours a week for a company that delivers healthy lunches to exclusive private schools. But don't worry about me, I'm yet to work a full week due to the many days private schools get off. I don't work weekends, summers, or any holiday and rarely work over 5.5 hours per week. Glamorous, no. Convenient, yes. Am a lunch lady? Kind of. Does it bother me? Not one bit. But as we all know the best thing about jobs are the ridiculous things co-workers, customers, and bosses say......and this job does not disappoint. Herewith, are my favorite quotes thus far.

You're a lovely ginger.

Co-worker

Yes!!!! Sloppy Joes for lunch!!!! They are my favorite!!!!! I always have my chef make them for me.

  3rd Grader

Can you draw a race car on my hand?

Kindergartner

You seem like the type of person that has a top hat.

Co-Worker (in his defense, I did lead him to believe I had one)

Can you draw a bow and arrow on my hand?

Kindergartner

I don't like the sushi my mom packed for me? Can I have what you brought?

1st Grader

Can you draw a lady bug, peace sign, heart and rainbow on my hand?

1st Grader

I'm pretty sure my mom order me the Beef Brisket and the Chocolate Covered Strawberries.

2nd Grader

What's Beef Brisket?

Same 2nd Grader

The Sloppy Joe is too sloppy.....I don't like that.

3rd Grader

Really, why are you applying?

Owners

(Blank Stare)

Me, on most days

12 Things I'll Never Say

You will never hear me say the following 12 things.

1. Do you have those Ugg boots in a size 7?
2. No thanks, I don't care to super size my meal.
3. I would never wear a fanny pack.
4. That's off the hook!
5. How much for front row seats to the Dave Matthews concert?
6. I would like to cancel my US Weekly subscription.
7. Is that chicken organic?
8. No, I do not want to pet/hold/play with your puppy.
9. Dear (insert name of hiring manager), I'm  excited to hear of an opening for a restaurant manager with your company..........
10. No, I'm sorry I can't make it tonight, I can't tear myself away from this Harry Potter book.
11. Can you turn that gangsta rap up.....a little more.....a little more.....
12. Did anyone catch "Kim and Kourtney Take New York" last night? That show was off the hook!

Bed Makin'



Not even close to his handy work

I make the bed everyday. Once every 6-8 weeks Brock makes the bed. Upon completion of said made bed, he often stands back to admire his work as if he had just painted the Mona Lisa. His quiet reflection on his handy work is usually met with a clearing of the throat that gradually gets louder the longer it goes unnoticed. Once I realize that he has accomplished a feat known to few, I immediately shower praises upon him with the same ferocity that I would had he just rushed me out of burning building or discovered a cure for cancer or invented the first ever stylish fanny pack. Yesterday he made the bed.........

Me: Hey, thanks for making the bed.

Brock: No big deal, its what a bring to the table.

Me: Making the bed is what you bring to the table?

Brock: Yes, along with other things.

Me: Such as...

Brock: Good conversation.

Me: And.....

Brock: Aggressive hugging.

Me: Well, I'm one lucky lady.

Brock: You got that right.

He's been threatening to cook and/or do the dishes, to be safe I'm going to go ahead and submit his application for Sainthood.

Fire Drill

Time

Afternoon, March 3rd

Scene

We are in our home office, I'm on the computer looking at TMZ CNN and Brock is laying in the middle of the floor on his back staring at the ceiling.

Brock: What would you do if there was a fire and I was unconscious?

Me: (not looking up from the computer) Drag you out.

Brock: How?

Me: (eyeing him up and down) By your feet or pant legs and with a lot of adrenaline.

Brock: I'm going to need you to demonstrate.

Annoyed, I get up and start dragging him out of the office, first by the feet and then to get a better grip by his pant legs. The carpet in the office was tricky but I managed to get him out and I thought I was home free once we hit the hardwood but I had to navigate a step up and I started to lose interest in the fire drill and proving I could save him from a burning building......

Brock: Keep in mind in this scenario I was the one who woke you up to alert you of the fire and by doing so was overcome with smoke and became unconscious.

Me: Well, I think then at this point it would be best if I saved myself so I could get help for you....

Brock: You're kidding, right?

Me: Actually, no......(feeling guilty I continued to try to move his limp body for another 10 minutes)

Brock: (exasperated and in his outdoor voice) HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE FIREMAN LIFT?

Me: (thinking) Oh, yea....that might actually be a better choice than the pant leg pull.

Later that day, Brock decided to go and play Lacrosse and tore his ACL, so in the next 4-6 months if you see me dragging him down Venture Blvd. via the fireman lift or the pant leg pull just go about your business, keep driving, nothing to see, ignore our cries for help, we're fine.